by Clarence Hill
In the beginning, God formed the first man, Adam, from the dust of the ground. He placed Adam in the garden of Eden with the duty of cultivating and protecting it. From the beginning, man was given a purpose and a stewardship over all of the works of God’s hands. Everything that God had created up to this point is declared to have been good: the sun, the stars, the seas, the animals and everything in the earth and in the skies! Now, what would He say of the crown of His creation, man, formed in His own image and likeness? There stood Adam, with a body made from the earth and a spirit from the very breath of God.
Adam was glorious and perfect, but God did not immediately say that what He had made was good. In fact, for the first time God saw something that He would actually express plainly as “not good”. He did not say that man was “not good”, but He did say, “it is not good that the man should be alone.” God did not praise His work until after He formed the woman and was able to bless them together and tell them to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.“ Once God had created everything that was necessary to fulfill the plan of His heart, He then declared it to be “very good”!
The Word of God is filled with truth and wisdom that is vital for our lives today. There aren’t any accidents in the details that He has chosen to reveal to us through His Word. In this passage of scripture concerning the origin of man, it is often thought that God meant Adam was lonely. It says that he was alone, not lonely. It is possible to be alone without being lonely. Adam was alone. To many who are married, it is clear that neither a wife nor a husband were ordained to be the ultimate cure for loneliness to their mate. While marriage answers loneliness for some, God had much more on His mind when He formed the woman as the final addition to His creation.
God’s plan to form a wife for Adam excelled the idea of one couple sporting through paradise enjoying their lives together alone. God saw the generations. He saw the earth filled with men and women who would reflect His glory and His nature. He saw generations of grandparents, parents and children spanning through the ages keeping wholesome relationships and increasing in knowledge and wisdom from generation to generation. He saw the younger generations of married couples covered by the love, patience and wisdom of the older generations. He saw men and their wives surrounded by peers that shared the same godly aspirations. They would journey through life together as they all sought to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the whole earth with multitudes that would reflect the glory and nature of God. This is what God saw! bsp;
While it is true that man sinned, God’s thoughts toward man remained the same. Yes, mankind fell, lost the freedom of living open lives, and became subject to fear, insecurity and shame. However, we can look back in time and see God’s desire to produce generations of righteous relationships. When God went to destroy all wicked men in the earth by a flood, He not only saved Noah, but Noah and his whole family. Noah, his three sons and their wives were given the opportunity to live under the promises God made to Noah. Again, God later finds Abraham and His desire for generations is evident as God is later referred to as the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. He was not known as simply “God”. He was known by the way He revealed Himself to three generations. The experiences that each generation had with God were to be passed on to the next generation so that the same sins and shortcomings would not be repeated. What a blessing for each generation of marriages!
The majority of marriages in this generation have not experienced this blessing that was originally intended for every husband and wife. Many sins and shortcomings are passed down from one generation to the next by the very fact that most couples are children of broken homes and have not learned how to successfully build a marriage. The benefit of having godly parents (and even grandparents) on both sides of the family as a resource of wisdom and comfort is a commodity hardly known in today’s society. Despite the absence of this benefit in most natural families, there are yet definite factors that can be put in place to produce a solid marriage that is well-pleasing to God. A strong marriage has three major aspects at work. The first aspect is intimate relationship with an older couple. An intimate relationship is a relationship where one has the freedom to share the most sensitive issues of the heart, especially unresolved issues. The second aspect is intimate relationship with peer couples on the friendship level. The third aspect is relationships of purpose with the next generation.
Intimate Relationship with an Older Couple
Intimate relationships with the older generations are richer and higher in priority than any of the three. For how can you give to peer couples or the next generation what you have not first received? Who can argue with the benefit of the wisdom that comes from years and experience? Oftentimes one look from a set of seasoned eyes or a word of wisdom can strengthen you to endure in the turbulent times that come in life and marriage. Some issues in marriage are too difficult to express or articulate. Older couples that have made it through these struggles can often relate to what you’re going through and bring light and direction in areas that seem hopeless.
Intimate Relationship with Peer Couples
Intimate relationships with peer couples are also important. This order of relationship parallels that of sibling relationships. These relationships can also be a source of wisdom, but they are moreso marked by the strengthening that comes through companionship. Peer relationships provide friendship, ideas, creativity and support. God loves to see husbands provoking other husbands to be strong spiritual leaders, caring, sensitive and faithful to their wives. He also loves to see wives encouraging each other to be joyful and pleasant. Intimate friends are invaluable for the day of intimate pain. Many marriages have failed because in the day of intimate pain there were no intimate friends. All too often, two hearts that sincerely loved each other are beyond ruin by the time others find out that something has gone terribly wrong between them. Friends don’t necessarily have to say profound things. Sometimes a listening ear can help one to hear themselves, see their failure and get back in the race one more time. The very presence of someone that believes in your marriage helps to dispel the foolish thoughts that find room in a frustrated heart. Many people refuse any form of intimate relationship because of past hurts in the home or in the church. Our resolve must be to no longer dwell on the past and become the trustworthy friend that others so desperately need. One godly friend can be the difference between a successful marriage and a divorce. One godly friend can be the difference for peace in the generations to come.
Relationships of Purpose with the Next Generation
Finally, relationships of purpose with the next generation are paramount. Our first duty is to our own children, but the scriptures teach us to visit the fatherless. We have a whole nation of fatherless children in our day. Many of their fathers are alive, but not to them. Unless someone fills the gap in the lives of those who are products of broken homes, there will be many repeats of angry husbands, bitter wives and rejected children. Children are the next generation of husbands and wives. The principles that children learn in their early years are often carried into their marriage for better or for worse.
Some couples may fulfill purpose with the next generation by being there for a young or newlywed couple. What is a life that does nothing to set the stage for the next generation? To complete the desire of God, we must directly or indirectly make a difference for the next generation.
The Bible says, “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”
Many couples miss the glory of God’s purpose and dwell alone. It’s not good for couples to be alone.
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The following “Study Notes” have been provided to encourage you and your spouse to grow deeper in your relationship through personal study in the Word of God.
Study Notes
1. Genesis 1,2
2. Romans 15:4
3. Psalm 33:11,12
4. Psalm 145:3,4
5. Matthew 7:24-27
6. Proverbs 11:14
7. Hebrews 10:24,25
8. Proverbs 17:17
9. Proverbs 27:9
10. Proverbs 18:24
11. James 1:27
12. Malachi 4:4-6
13. Ecclesiastes 4:9,10
WHY STUDY??
Because Mark 4:24 (AMP) says,
“The measure of thought and study you give to the truth you hear will be the measure of virtue and knowledge that comes back to you.”
The Challenge
Make a commitment to make all three relationships an active part of your marriage
1) Intimate relationship with an older couple
2) Intimate relationship with a peer couple
3) Relationships of purpose with the next generation
Practical Advice to Couples
- Be active members of a local church
(Every Christian is called to be joined with a group of believers that are doing the will of God. No one is called to be alone) see Hebrews 10:25
Choose a local church whose leaders have good marriages and well-behaved children
Choose a local church where the leaders do not practice sin
Choose a local church that encourages personal growth in the Word of God and active participation from all members
- Be ready to build new relationships
Prepare to be hurt or misunderstood sometimes
Know that all relationships require growth
Don’t expect the other couple to be perfect
Do expect the other couple to give Biblical advice
- Don’t forget basic rules for intimate relationships couple to couple
Do not expose your spouse beyond their comfort, if they are not ready and willing
(except in the case of physical abuse, adultery and continual sin) see Matthew 18:15-17
When meeting for help or advice, find out what you can change, instead of focusing on what your spouse can change
- Find help from a couple with a good marriage.
(Jesus said, a tree is known by its fruit, not by its title or profession) see Matthew 7:15-20
- Make a commitment to invest two hours a month and join the Eye to Eye Marriage Enrichment Community as we facilitate the forming of these relationships through Bible studies, friendships and creative marriage-building exercises.
